in the midnight hour [frostbite]

[jinxeh]

The Sunningrocks always held a sense of serenity for the tom cat. After the falling out between him and the scum Skyhawk, the leader had taken to skulking around camp with a heavy heart and a destroyed ego. The Clan laughed at him, tore him down. His worst nightmare had come true. Sleeping was becoming steadily more difficult with each passing night, and he was deciding what he would do. Tonight had been no different, and instead of fighting with himself, he swiftly left the camp, with a sliver of the moon high in the sky.

Crimsonstar's paws seemed to move without much thought, their destination known, before he was even aware of where he was headed to. But when the familiar sound fo the rushing river touched his ears, he couldn't help but sigh in relief and feel a smile crack the stoney expression that had been chiselled onto his face for the past few days.

Glancing over the moonlit rocks, he paced for a second before leaping up on to a rock gracefully. Flicking his tail, he walked upon the cool rocks to a small divet in the smooth surface and circling for a moment, let his body down onto the surface, neatly wrapping his tail over his body and he let his head lean back against the slight overhang and he sighed once again, this time in relaxation. The tension of the Clan lifted from his body, but a scent touched his nostrils and he rolled his eyes.

"Who's there?" He called, his voice bored and rather annoyed.

[Frostbite }}]

The medicine cat stepped out of the dark and into the light of the moon. Her fur shining as ever and her green eyes glowed. "Your tense. you need to relax Crimsonstar." She padded past the rock her leader rested on and padded infront of it and looked at him and mewed, "Giving Skyhawk a hard time I hear?" she asked with an eyebrow raised. It wasnt her place to but into his business but she was.. feeling things towards him. She was suddenly caring about him and always want him to come with her on herb gatherings and what not. Yet she loved her clan more then anything. Respected her leader and the code. The clan was more then alseep tonight and she wasnt in a hurry to get back to the camp. She wanted to know what was giving her leader a hard time about Skyhawk. He was just a warrior with a past like the rest of the clan.

[jinxeh]

Many names of potential Clan mates raced across his mind that he did not want to see, the vast majority of the names being merely repeats of Skyhawk's name. Luckily, when the white she-cat revealed herself, he was extremely relieved. She was one of the cats that he could handle lately, seeing how he had always had a fairly decent relationship with the medicine cat. The tom cat closed his eyes, as she approached, her scent getting stronger, the only clear sign that she was closing the distant between the two of them. Ears flicking with surprise as she talked to him, he shrugged his shoulders not giving her a verbal response. Yes, he was tense, how could he not be? Half the Clan hated him, and everything that he was, and the other half were terrified of him. It was a lose lose situation, neither was what he wanted from them. But when she brought him up, he peeled his eyes open and gave her a cold stare.

"It's none of your business, Frostbite." He said with an cold, exasperated and almost pained voice. He was so sick of talking about it, and angry about the outcome, that it brought up mixed feelings. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap." The kinder side of the tom, though rarely seen, was being drawn out in his weakened and frustrated state. "Can we please not talk about it? I'd really appreciate a conversation with a Clan mate that doesn't dream of ripping my throat out." The words came out in a dry drawl, his eyes moving from her face and focusing on the trees behind her.

[Frostbite }}]

Nice. Sweet. Thoughtful. Those you would never see in frostbite. But, they are coming out. She took a step closer and mewed, "Crimsonstar. you know me. Come on. do I look like a cat who wants to tear out your throate? Starclan told me you would be next for leader and why would I want to go against starclan's wishes?" She really wanted to know what was getting to him. It couldnt just be skyhawk. "The whole forest doesnt hate you. Thats a bit to extreme dont you think? You did your best trying to find skyhawk. He left us for starclan knows why. But just because of what he did in the past shouldnt let you define who he is as a warrior." She then let her eyes cast down not trying to look threatening or looking to push anything. "I know you didnt want this conversation but I am part of this clan and I was part of his little act. I also do have a voice in this clan and I deserve to use it when needed. I dont judge you because of who you are or what you did. Yes Skyhawk is not a fan of you, a new born kit could know that. doesnt mean he shouldnt respect you. He doesnt have to like you, but he does need to respect you. As for you with him. He is your warrior. He's part of this clan weather you want him to be or not." Was she going to far? She flattened her ears and whispered, "Be the change you want to see in this clan.."

[jinxeh]

Teeth grinding against each other, the tip of the tom cats tail flicked up and down as the she-cat spoke. Of course he knew that she wouldn't rip his throat out, he wasn't that hollow headed to see that she was not like the other cats. The main give away that she was a medicine cat. Shrugging his shoulders when she spoke about the whole forest not hating him, he dismissed the comment not really caring for it. Rolling her eyes when she spoke of Skyhawk, he wouldn't agree with her at all about that. he could let whatever he wanted to to define the warrior. Opening his mouth to respond, he was cut off as she continued, this time going off about how she has a right to speak. He couldn't help but sigh, she was right in her own way, but he once again, didn't agree with her. Crimsonstar didn't have to respect Skyhawk, he had no reason to. The cat was a waste of space, and skin in his opinion. Refocusing on her, he rose to sit up.

"Frostbite, he challenged my authority, my ability to lead ThunderClan. How can I respect a cat that doesn't respect me? It's impossible." Shaking his large tabby marked head, his eyes stared at her with a dead glimmer to them. "I live to serve my Clan, I would do anything for my Clan mates. But none of them see that. They do not see past my words, nor my actions. I lose sleep at night, worrying about ShadowClan, and RiverClan. Wondering about WindClan. I'm terrified one of them will attack us, and I will fail my Clan." Casting his gaze away, moisture soaking the bottom lid of his light green eyes, he let out a sharp breath. "I don't know what to do anymore, Frostbite."

[Frostbite }}]

Looking down at the ground she mewed, "you cant hold a grudge against a cat forever Crimsonstar. Yes he had no right to challenge your authority about how to lead a clan and what not but whos the leader in this clan? Last I checked it was you. Fighting with your clanmates.. wont give you a very good impression first off. Let other cats take care of calling him names and giving him dirty looks. you have a clan to lead. dont just focus on one cat. focus on everyone in it." Looking up and past her leader she gave a sigh. "Believe it or not.. one day he will save your life or your gonna save his. Maybe in battle, maybe from a badger." She looked him in the eyes. "Every cat in this clan will follow you. It's not just you worrying about the other clans its everyone in this clan. you think shadowclan isnt worried about us or riverclan or windclan? All of us clans worry. your not the only one in this forest who think he or she doesnt know what else to do. Yes we need to be on our toes with these things but we also need to push past the hate we have for one another and move on. Things will stay with us but if we keep it with us forever it wont do us much good. I worry about who will come into my den with a wound or sickness and if I can heal them.. You think your worried about what cats think about you? Try letting a cat die under your care.. then have cats mad at you for that..which would you prefer..?" By this time she was getting serious. Her eyes were hard and she was meaning business. Not mean business but enough to have ler leader open up his eyes to see he wasn the only one having troubles.

[jinxeh]

Listening to her words was like white noise. It was floating in one ear, and out the other. He couldn't do it any more and stay sane. All he heard lately was cats talking, talking about him, the Clan, his inabilities. Crimsonstar was so sick of listening, maybe he just wanted someone to listen to him for once. And, contrary to her belief, he could hold a grudge forever, and he would. Nothing she said could change that fact. His dead eyes turning to a burning glare as she told him she also worried, he realized she didn't understand anything that was bothering him. She didn't understand what it felt like to have your whole existence questioned, your destiny. To tell someone to do something, and have them look at you like you are nothing more than a disgusting rogue. No one got it.

"I am not one to sit idly by and let someone call me out!"

[/b] He barked at her, his ears turning backwards. He couldn't take it anymore, it was time to stop feeling sorry for himself. "I do focus on everyone in my Clan, they are the reason I get up in the morning. So that maybe one day I will prove to them that I can make it, that I can help them!"[/b] Growling, not at her, but at himself for letting his guards down he continued, ignorant to what the she-cat was doing. "If he ever saves my life, he'll boast, he'll call me out saying he's the only reason I am alive. If I save him, I'll be seen as giving him pity, or trying to make up for not finding him. I can't live like that Frostbite."[/b] Closing his eyes hard, he breathed in deeply. "If a cat comes to you, and passes under your care, chances are you had no hopes of saving them in the first place. Cats get over that. But StarClan forbid I mess up once and lose my stupid temper! I'm seen as unworthy! Or useless!"[/b] Eyes opening, but not seeing, he lower jaw slipped from the top one and he breathed "I have no one in this Clan..."[/b] [/blockquote][/blockquote][/size]

[Frostbite }}]

Frostbite sat perfectly still as her leader vented to her. Her words apparently werent getting to him. Why stay here any longer if he wasnt going to listen to her. The last few words hit her hard but she didnt show it. Shockingly she was trying to hold back her tears. What was it that he wasnt getting. She looked over her leader and her ears flattened. Medicine cats cared about everyone in the clan. Even though it seemed like she didnt, she did or else she wouldnt be going around checking if everyone, even if her leader was okay.

Skyhawk padded in her mind and for the first time.. she needed him. Sadly she would never finds the words to tell him that. Hearing her leader talk like this was like losing a kit after it just came out into the world. Her heart sank to her stomach but she wore a strong face. "I think I'm done here.." she mewed looking at the ground. She got up and padded a few feet into the dark forest but stopped and turned around and mewed, "You have me. If you like it or not." She gave a him a long gaze then turned around and padded slowly into the night.

[jinxeh]

Flinching at her words, he let his eyes sink closed once again and his lower jaw met his top one once again. He didn't even have her, and he knew it. Medicine cats were supposed to speak kind words, and comfort those cats who were hurting - emotionally or physically. Body turning numb, he took a few breaths in noticing that her scent wasn't as strong, merely a lingering smell and he suddenly felt rage flare up into his mind and heart and he opened his eyes, rising to his paws. The intensity that usually took over her green eyes returned and he watched as she slipped away into the forest and he burst from his spot and began to follow her, though there was a carefully measured distance and he began to speak.

"You walk away from a cat in need? Is that the new thing for medicine cats?"

[/b] He called after her, his voice shaky with frustration, pain and anger, all of which vibrated through his body. Claws unsheathed, with every step he took he dug deep into the earth of ThunderClan's lush undergrowth. Ears back and brow furrowed, he walked with blind purpose. "If I really had you, Frostbite, you wouldn't have walked away from me! You would've stayed. I guess I can't even count on the StarClan messenger. I can't say I'm surprised."[/b] A dry sarcasm seeped over his words, staining the silent night with a heavy, dark mood. He had lost it, lost his grip. He was feeling so many different emotions, he couldn't even get his thoughts straight. Crimsonstar wanted to scream, to cry, to mewl like a kit. He was done. [/blockquote][/blockquote][/size]